Next week is Mental Health Awareness Week and the theme this year is Belonging Matters. Our Senior Coach, Liz, shares her thoughts on this, a topic dear to her heart…
Often we can think of belonging as a group, a place or a community that we need to find, or somewhere the door needs to be opened for us, and that can absolutely be the case. It can be a beautiful feeling when that does happen.
But… that also relies on other people.
We can search for years for that place. We can try different places, different groups and different communities, looking for somewhere we belong – and sometimes, when we think we find one; rather than a true sense of belonging, we can find ourselves trying to fit in.
Maybe we play small. Maybe we change some of our views or opinions. Maybe we change how we dress or how we look. Maybe we hide certain parts of ourselves in an attempt to feel part of something.
Brené Brown contrasts that – fitting in to feel part of something, with what a true sense of belonging can feel like, where we are accepted for who we are, as we are.
What I found on my own journey and search for belonging, was that it really was about building that connection with myself first. Finding that sense of belonging within. Becoming more grounded in my values, in my thoughts, in who I am and in how and where I wanted to focus my energy and show up in the world.
And when I found that sense of connection and belonging within myself, I found I could go into different places and pick up quite quickly if they weren’t for me.
Or on the other side, my body would tell me quite quickly, “Ooh, this could be one of those places, it feels good/like home/calm… This could be one of those occasions. These could be my people.”
And what I really started to notice was that sometimes we can feel that sense of belonging at a live music event, a gym session, a choir, a sign language group, a craft group, out walking or doing something we love. Because whether we know anybody else there, whether we even know anybody else’s name, what we do know is that we’ve got at least one thing in common – The music. The craft. The activity. The love of the outdoors. Something has brought us together.
I remember feeling that for the first time at a drumming circle. I only knew one other person there, and I was blown away by the beautiful sense of belonging I experienced when I only knew one person’s name.
What I also love about belonging is that we can be proactive in creating a sense of belonging.
Not simply going out there and creating it for other people, but being open and curious about how we can create more of it for ourselves too. Sometimes that might mean taking the first step towards finding a group. Looking online to see what’s happening locally. Going along to something even when we don’t know anyone. Turning up for the second time, when the first time felt a little uncomfortable.
And sometimes we can create a sense of belonging for ourselves, and for other people at the same time, through the smallest moments.A hello to someone on the walkway.A little more of a conversation with the person at the checkout.Letting someone into traffic.Putting our hand up to help.Supporting someone’s event.Learning someone’s name.Showing up to something happening in our community.Inviting someone along.Being willing to ask for help ourselves.
These tiny moments say something: I see you. You matter.
What I have come to understand is that belonging isn’t always something we have to find, but that it is something we can practice, participate in, create, one small connection at a time. So maybe the question isn’t only, “Where do I belong?”Maybe we can also ask: “Where could I participate? Where or how can I create connection…” and see what ripples from there…
Keen for some more ways to create belonging, you can find 100 here