Kia ora tātou, Zach here!
I’m sure that the last thing you need is another reminder of the fast-approaching festive season – it seems that the moment we hit 12:00am on 1st November, by Christmas magic, every supermarket and department store decked its halls with Christmas displays, chocolates, advent calendars, and seasonal bargains bedecked with tinsel and baubles. Festive events are popping up all over Facebook, many over a month in advance – which, as the main contributor to the Retreat’s Facebook pages, makes me envy their organisational skills.
I, for one, absolutely adore this time of year. In fact, a part of me has been eagerly anticipating it since mid-January – and not just because of the tantalising prospect of multiple weeks off from work. But I am also readily aware that Christmas can be polarising – maybe you’re like me, living for the obnoxious omnipresence of festive joy, or maybe you’re sick to death of Christmas before it’s even begun, rolling your eyes as I wax lyrical about the season, and dreading the many potential tribulations it can bring.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realise that Christmas is, in essence, diametrically opposed to our day-to-day situation. The majority of our population is atheist; the holiday encourages enthusiastic consumerism in an environmentally crippled world; said consumerism comes with rampant spending, both impractical during this cost of living crisis and – according to economists for a long time now – is an inefficient use of funds, given that we don’t actually know whether the gifts we give will be appreciated; a central theme is its focus on time together, in a world increasingly marred by loneliness and isolation; not to mention that it hails from the Northern Hemisphere, and its connection with winter is so heavily entrenched that the majority of classic Christmas songs and imagery don’t make a jot of sense in the context of our blazing summer.
Diametrically opposed or not, it also comes with further baggage: the aforementioned focus on togetherness, and the sleepy period of time off work it engenders. Time to cherish whānau is essential – that is, if you have a loving whānau to cherish. If the only good company you’ve got is yourself, then all of these reminders of family time and love can feel like rather a slap in the face – especially when its messaging persists for over a month! And while it is, in my opinion, essential that we are allowed time in the year to press pause on our mahi, any absence comes with its consequences. If there’s a service on which you strongly rely that disappears during this time, then the lovely holiday period becomes tedious. These are inevitable consequences of a time which expects, nay, demands happiness – not all of us can fulfil that demand. And, before I launch into a listicle of how we can enjoy Christmas in the modern day, it’s crucial to acknowledge that these consequences solidly suck.
Despite all this, I think Christmas still has more than enough going to redeem itself. It might just require us to look at it a little differently. So, for those of us who celebrate, here are some ideas for modernising Christmas – and potentially making it suck a little less.
It’s all about community!
While a rhetoric of togetherness can absolutely have damaging consequences, social time is an essential human need. It has become a cliche to comment upon the divided nature of the modern world, and it is true that various factors have made loneliness and polarisation far more common. And this is one of the reasons I love Christmas. I’m not under the impression that with Christmas day comes a magical, peacemaking force which impels us all to put aside our differences and join hands in unity, but I do think that any reminder to spend time with our loved ones is valuable. And while it may not reach a utopian-level strength, I do think that Christmas engenders an element of community.
Here in Aotearoa, there are very few occasions during which the majority of society comes together to enjoy a special event. Halloween is more for Americans, Thanksgiving is definitely not our thing, Easter is just one weekend, and while we’re lucky enough now to have Matariki recognised as a public holiday, with its popularity as a celebration steadily growing, nothing has the same build-up or spread as Christmas. At minimum, you’re looking at almost a whole month of anticipation (for me, that anticipation starts in mid-October, although I try to keep it under wraps until at least November). Not only that, but it’s everywhere. Songs playing in every shop, decorations strewn about the town centre, public events popping up all over the place. When else are we so unified in anything?
So, naturally, you can roll your eyes at the premature celebration, but I think it’s so much more fun to embrace it, to feel the joy in anticipation. Because that is the best part about Christmas. They say the joy is in the journey, and whoever they are could not be more right! The day itself is important of course, but all of the songs, decorations, events, and so on are for enjoying all month long. Taking a moment to think, ‘hey, it’s actually pretty cool that we’re all stopping to celebrate this’, and appreciating the efforts people are undertaking to make the month special is thoroughly worthwhile.
Given that there’s all this lovely unity going on, it’s a great time to get out there and feel a part of the community. There are so many ways to make this happen:
- Indulging in free-to-attend Christmas events: classics such as Christmas at the Bowl, alongside new initiatives like our Christmas fair fair ;). Keep an eye on Facebook events – you don’t need an account to see them – and pick and choose whatever appeals!
- New Plymouth Community Christmas Charitable Trust holds an annual, free Christmas lunch at St John’s Church on the big day itself – a truly beautiful community event. If you’re looking for something communal to do on the day, it’s really worth keeping an eye out for it – you could volunteer, or enjoy a free meal yourself.
- Through Ngāmotu Street Initiative, on three days over the Christmas-New Year period, we’ll be at Waimanako serving up kai to our street whānau to ensure they have enough to eat while everything’s shut down. If you’d be interested in getting involved – either preparing kai in advance, or serving it up on the day – please get in touch!
Making gifting more sustainable (and affordable!)
It’s becoming harder and harder to justify a holiday which is largely centred around buying and giving gifts when the environment is crumbling before our eyes – knowing that consumerism has a chunky part to play in this. Moreover, money is tight for most of us right now, and spending big on presents feels unrealistic.
One option, of course, is to ask that people don’t buy you gifts, and switching the holiday’s focus elsewhere – focusing on spirituality or togetherness, for example. But there’s another side of gift-giving which makes this approach difficult (for me, at least!). The majority of my excitement surrounding Christmas comes from the joy of giving to others – figuring out the perfect present – rather than the prospect of receiving presents from others. It is a show of love and care. My whānau are all the same. So, the question becomes: how do we retain that chance to express appreciation to our loved ones while keeping it sustainable?
Over the last few years, my whānau have somewhat changed our approach to gifts. The presents we give, and ask for might be, for example:
- Handmade items (my younger sister is an incredible artist, my older sister a master at crochet)
- Gifts of time (I love to be taught new skills, or have loved ones willingly join me on a photography exhibition)
- Donations to causes we care about
- Practical items we need / will make good use of, bought secondhand wherever possible (obviously not if the item in question is food, for example)
It seems to make for a much more wholesome and creative approach to gift-giving, not to mention that Trade Me and our local op shops are absolute treasure troves, and much cheaper than buying new!
Another example of an alternative approach comes from my extended whānau, this time with a focus on saving money. Given the large number of aunts, uncles, and cousins I (and many families) have, gift-giving can quickly become overwhelming and expensive. The solution in our extended whānau has been twofold: first, that whānau members under the age of 18 get a present from every aunt/uncle, and second, that everyone over 18 takes part in a Secret Santa via drawnames: we’re all randomly assigned someone to buy for, so everyone gets a present, and everyone only has to buy one present! It works out pretty perfectly.
Further twists on gift-giving could include something like:
- Joining in with an initiative like Property Brokers’ Pack the Bus, which invites the community to donate toys, non-perishable food, cat food, and/or dog food to fill up a bus – goods are then donated to local charities
- Delaying gift-giving to make use of the tens of thousands of unwanted presents listed on Trade Me after the big day
- Looking into ethical gifts, such as our Shout a Stay cards 😉
Making it yours
There is no one right way to do Christmas! But I think that what helps make it exciting is having a series of traditions that you only pull out at this time of year: something special that you only allow yourself in December. It can be totally divorced from the mass of decorations, songs, and presents, if you prefer.
After the nostalgic traditions from childhood (putting food out for Santa’s reindeers, participating in end of year dance shows and nativity plays, heading home from the last day of school for the year, getting our annual sensible Christian advent calendars with Bible verses instead of chocolate from our devout grandparents) withered away, I began to make up new, silly little traditions to enjoy. I insist on baking mince pies every year, for example, because I absolutely love mince pies and they’re even better homemade. I have also insisted that we make mulled wine every Christmas, because it is objectively the only way to make wine taste good. My sister and I have made a habit of watching our favourite Christmas specials together as we frantically draw increasingly elaborate Christmas cards – something I think you never get too old for. Every year I find new places to hide my partner’s presents so that he doesn’t have to wrench with the pain of delayed gratification. Ever since we moved to New Zealand, we as a family have basked in the novelty of going to the beach on Christmas day – which always proves surprisingly empty.
I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how the magic of Christmas is irrecoverably lost after childhood, and while it will never feel quite so euphoric as when it was possible to believe in Santa, I refuse to accept that it can’t still feel exciting. It’s merely a case of making it fun, in whatever way works for you.
Naturally, this becomes more complicated if your circumstances limit what’s achievable: if you’re stuck with unbearable family members, if this time of year brings tough memories around. Maybe it’s a case of making December a month of self-care: going that extra mile to look after yourself, de-stressing, taking some time to enjoy solitude. A starter could be coming along to one of our de-stressing workshops: breathwork, mindfulness, or watercolour painting, or hanging out in the Recharge Room at the Confidence Centre. It could be going for a walk in the crisp, early hours of the morning, and listening to the birds sing (and, if you’re lucky enough to live near East End beach, or anywhere else applicable, watching the ducks waddle around with a line of tiny, fluffy ducklings following them doggedly). It could be marathoning your favourite movies. It could be a case of not checking the news for a few days, and enjoying the break from constantly reading about tragedy and politics. Or doing whatever other indulgent pastime you love but never seem to get round to. Give yourself a reason (or, ideally, many!) to look forward to Christmas – because you deserve to enjoy this omnipresent holiday.