Liz Fry | Taranaki Retreat

Ten thoughts on courage – from Liz the Lead Coach

Liz Fry — Thu, 11 Apr 2024 03:19:55 +0000

1. Courage isn’t about not having fear, it is about having and feeling that fear but still going ahead and finding our way through it.

2. Courage is about hearing the negative thoughts, the red zone story reel that we have running, and not letting that rule, not letting that take over our life. It is acknowledging that the changes that we are embarking on or the steps we are taking may not feel safe, they may well feel unfamiliar because they are new, but having the determination to make them, however, small those steps have to be…

3. By being courageous we gain evidence that we are capable, we can do whatever it is, and each piece of courageous evidence from the green zone helps us to break down that red zone story reel of b*llshit that we have running.

The best bit about this is that we can gain evidence that we are capable, that we are deserving, through the smallest of steps, smallest of actions, and the more of those steps and actions we can take, the more evidence we are gaining to disprove the beliefs, to break down that story reel.

Those actions can ‘simply’ be about doing something different, and we have so many opportunities to do that during the day.
It could be choosing a different drink/type of coffee when going out, it could be going a different way to work, it could be trying a recipe of something you have cooked so many times over.

The best bit? We might hate the turmeric latte, we may believe our recipe is actually better, the end result doesn’t matter half as much as the decision to do something different! That is where the healing is.

4. What has stopped us before? Fear, others’ beliefs and values that we have taken on, society’s expectations, cultural say-so, previous experiences related to it or not; not even our own experiences, stories we have been told. We don’t want to dwell here, but recognising what some of those barriers have been in the past, can help us be aware of them when they do pop up again…

5. Change takes courage and courage takes energy. When we are in a place of making a choice, the choice that will lead us closer to where we want to be can often feel the harder thing, the option that requires us to be vulnerable, it requires more patience, more resilience, more capacity, and therefore more courage.

It is much easier to carry on doing the same thing we have always done, we know what it looks like and feels like, we know how others react to us in that space. For us to have the energy to be courageous to make the changes we want we need to be filling up the tanks and doing self-care. Navigating change from an empty tank can make the journey much harder, so when setting goals or making plans please factor in how you are going to look after yourself along the way….

6. Courage can enable us to meet others with empathy. When we have faced situations, when we have walked through our fears, when we have approached heartache or whatever it might be and navigated our way through, then we can sit alongside someone and say “I may not have been through the same thing, but I get it.”

7. I have read in a few places that one of the biggest regrets of the dying is not about what they have done, it is about what they hadn’t. What if you were able to reduce some of those regrets by taking some courageous steps in this chapter of your life.

8. Being connected to our true self can help make life different in so many ways. I describe our core values as the backbone of our soul. When we know who we are we can find that we have resources we can draw on, as well as being sure that what we are working towards, the changes that we are wanting to make, are actually ours. Our true essence is always there, it never leaves us. Sometimes it takes courage to find our way home.

9. As mentioned before change involves us being vulnerable, not only is this made easier when we have energy but also when we have that connection to our true self, when we have those foundations in place, it can help us to feel safer, to find and create the safe spaces that we need to enable us to get back up the next day and do what is required of us.

10. If we are not open to change if we are not willing to be vulnerable, if we are not able to sit with pain and loss, then we do miss out on the good stuff too. We miss out on joy, love, connection, wholesomeness.

The courage to feel it all, the red and the green, the dark and the light. The courage to stay with what we are feeling, the experience we are growing through and whatever it is bringing us. All the things that keep us in our box.

When we have the courage to feel it all, to be open to what life brings, life can go from feeling very bland and beige, to having more colour and vibrance once more.

Written by our Lead Coach, Liz – liz-fry.com

A Story of Change…

Liz Fry — Tue, 09 Apr 2024 23:50:58 +0000

Liz (one of our coaches) reflects where she was at a few years ago…

“Rewind a bit to 2017, I wasn’t doing great. It wasn’t all doom and gloom by any means, but there was some tough stuff going on and tough stuff that I was ‘dealing with’ by drinking more booze. One ‘Sunday Funday,’ I was looking down the bottom of a bottle of wine wondering what was going on, this wasn’t the plan I had for my travels, for this chapter.

It was time for change.

I hadn’t done a lot of travelling when I first came over to New Zealand, so I decided it was time to explore a bit more, get on the road, make some stuff happen, reconnect with my original goal of travelling to do life differently.

Over the next few months, I put that plan in to action.

Back in Christmas 2016 had me vowing to myself that I would be in a different place emotionally and financially. I didn’t know what that was going to look like or how, but it was a promise.

December 23rd 2017 saw me heading out of Auckland, having given up my rented accommodation, given a lot of my stuff away, put some in a friend’s garage and the rest packed in my car, along with a cheap tent and sleeping bag.

Christmas 2017 saw me camping at Stony Bay in Coromandel. I had kept my promise, I was in a very different place. I remember that afternoon thinking all I needed now was a bbq to finally get my ‘Kiwi Christmas,’ but I was happy with the snacks that I had bought. (Hadn’t upgraded to a gas stove at that point!) In the afternoon a guy walked off the beach and we got chatting and he invited me for steak and all the trimmings for dinner! Whoop! Christmas BBQ after all!

My travels took me exploring the North Island and some of the South, and I was in Cambridge when it was starting to get a bit chilly in my tent, and the plan was to find somewhere to volunteer for the Winter, have a base and then move on.

Putting my plan out on Facebook, a friend said she had seen this place on GoodSorts (TV programme). So I got in touch with Taranaki Retreat and after a few conversations back and forth, I was down there staying on a friend’s bus and embarking on this chapter of ‘three months volunteering!’.

I have told this story many times, and you may well have heard it before, but as I write this time and pause to think back as to the version of me I was then, who had zero expectations of where these three months would take me, was just rolling with what was.

It has been such a beautiful relationship with the team, such a healing one. We often talk about how we are all on a wellbeing continuum, we move up and down. At some points, I felt like I was literally scooting up and down that continuum like nobody’s business!

For a long time in my life I never finished anything, had all these ideas but quietly let them fall away. I think this is one of the reasons why this journey alongside the Retreat has meant so much and been so pivotal in my healing journey. It made me stay in one place, it made me face what I had been avoiding, and supported me as I faced the wounds and the pain.

We often say it’s been x amount of long years. But these haven’t been long, they have just been ginormous, and I am so incredibly grateful.

2024 marks six years with Taranaki Retreat and Waimanako.

This isn’t just a celebration for me. It’s a celebration that life can be done differently, it doesn’t have to look a certain way. Is it easy living on the other side of the world to my family, who are all in the UK, no I miss them every single day. But I believe I have found what I am meant to be doing and where I am meant to be doing it right now, and I am trusting that.

Just know that if things aren’t great right now, that life can be different.

Learning to open our hearts and say yes to life can be a great first step.

Navigating feelings and emotions at this time of year

Liz Fry — Tue, 05 Dec 2023 23:00:40 +0000

What am I feeling?

I don’t think there is another time on our calendar that can cause such an array, or such conflicting emotions. It really can be a rollercoaster. For some this is a superhard time of year for different reasons, and for others it can be an absolute highlight.

Firstly, there is no right or wrong. There are no right or wrong emotions to be feeling, all emotions and feelings are valid.

Secondly, although you may feel that you are the only one that is struggling, please know we have been talking to many that are having these tough/uncomfortable emotions coming up.

Thirdly, the more we are able to get clear on what is coming up, we can start to find our way through the feelings and emotions and then tap into the pieces of the puzzle they can bring.

One of the tools I share is The Courageous Frog…

This is about the steps we can take, to start looking in from the outside as to what is going on…

F – Feel – This is about the physical sensations we can start to pick up on, when we are heading in to that place of fear. It might be sweating, fidgeting, churny stomach, change in breathing etc. These are all totally normal responses in our body, it is what we make them mean that is what we want to be changing…

R – Recognise – We need fear in our lives to protect us, we need the response that we went to in the first step of this. This stage is about getting familiar with what we are making those sensations mean. We can use statements like ‘I’m noticing…,’ ‘The emotion that is coming up is…’, bringing compassion into the mix… I’m noticing I am feeling lonely, this emotion is disappointment…

O – Open Up – When we head into a space of fear, we can feel it all becoming a bit tight, a bit cramped, shut down… What we want to be doing is creating space here, enabling that breathing to get a bit deeper and to breathe in and through the emotions that were recognised in step two. Sitting a bit taller, shoulders back, opening up our lungs, expansiveness…

G – Ground – This is about becoming mindful again of where our body is at, and where it is at within the world around us. When we are stuck within the emotions not knowing what is going on, it can be hard to see anything else. This way we can start to see the bigger picture, where we are at and what we are needing.

*****

Some of the conversations the team have been having with guests and in listening ear conversations have been around money worries, concerns over how it is going to be with relatives, grief for a loved one who isn’t around any longer, feeling left out, feeling that sense of loneliness, frustration.

Even if someone is thoroughly looking forward to Christmas, sometimes it can all get a bit much or maybe a wave of grief comes in when we least expect it, it can be handy to have some thoughts or tips in preparation for as and when these feelings may or do come up.

An e-book has been created to help navigate some of these times. I share in it my story of trying to navigate life with two emotions, sad and good; and share within the e-book the tools that helped me find out they were more and how to recognise and navigate them.

It is something that you can dip into or work through. It is available here through this fundraising page, all money going to Taranaki Retreat, (you get to choose how much you pay). Or if times are hard, and we absolutely recognise that they are, you can grab the same e-book, but for free here.

Please remember that you absolutely are enough, just as you are.

With much respect,

Liz

P.S. If this time of year is a highlight for you, please ripple that love and joy out big time. The world needs your light shining bright.

Keeping the tanks topped up

Liz Fry — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 23:00:09 +0000

Some thoughts from Life Coach Liz…

“Often when I start working with people they struggle to remember what makes them come alive. They are able to share the struggles and what that looks like and feels like. But the memories of the ‘good stuff’, are hard to bring in to the picture again.

I absolutely relate.

When I am coaching, we speak about the red zone when we are struggling and the green zone when life feels easier.

We can find that the good stuff is often the first thing to go when we are struggling, and those green zone times can feel few and far between in some chapters of our lives.

What would it take to start connecting back to some of those times, those memories, those activities that help you come alive, feel fulfilled, feel authentic, feel at peace or feel motivated, in the tiniest of steps.

The more we can connect to them, the more we are connecting to our values, the more our tanks are topped up, the more we can feel able to navigate tricky situations, whether it be work situations, Christmas, a difficult conversation or something else that is causing you to be in the red zone.

What are some steps that you could take to keep those tanks topped up? The beautiful thing with self-care is that it doesn’t have to take long and doesn’t have to be expensive. How could you bring some small pockets of self-care in to your upcoming days?”

If you need some ideas, you can download some here

Lots of Littles by Life Coach Liz

Liz Fry — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 23:30:23 +0000

“Little by little, a little becomes a lot.”

A Tanzanian proverb that I heard on a training course.

It was being used with regards to stress. Stress can come from different areas of our life and can also often creep up on us if we are not careful.

We can think just this and that and this; but then this and that and this soon start mounting up to more. ANYHOO, this isn’t about stress!

This is about the proverb, that really stuck with me, as I reflected on it, could be seen it could be used in two ways.Yes it can mean that those little habits/actions/feelings that may seem fairly harmless on their own, but do start to mount up; but also how it can mean those small wholesome habits/actions/feelings can start to add up and make a difference too.

It could be

– putting away the small amounts of money that can accumulate,

– the acts of courage for the small actions that help us build more confidence,

– the small acts of kindness that can mean a lot (more on that in the coming weeks!),

– the small health choices that improve our wellbeing,

– the short bursts of self-care that when done regularly start to make a difference,

– regular efforts at tidying/decluttering that can turn things around again,

– the gratitude practice that, when done daily, can rewire our brain,

– the regular releasing that can help reduce that stress building up.What is something small that you could do today or that you could start bringing into your world today, that will make a difference?

Whether it is some of those savings, to improve wellbeing, to have a tidier home, to build confidence and have a better relationship with yourself, to reduce stress, you absolutely do deserve to have all of them and more.